The Bystander Effect & Finding the Courage to Speak Up
Have you ever witnessed something unfolding in front of you—a moment where you could step in, but instead, you hesitated? Maybe you assumed someone else would take action. Maybe you weren’t sure if it was your place. Or maybe you froze, unsure of what to do.
I get it. I’ve been there too.
But somewhere along the way, I made a decision: If I can help, I will.
This realization didn’t come overnight. It was shaped by experiences, by regrets over the times I didn’t step in, and by a deep understanding that sometimes, we are the only ones who can make a difference in a given moment.
A few weeks ago, I was driving and saw a car accident. I didn’t see it happen, but I saw two young teenage girls standing on the side of the road, airbags deployed, looking lost and overwhelmed. I didn’t hesitate—I pulled over.
I asked if they were okay. They were crying, shaken, unsure of what to do next. I hugged them, called the police, and waited with them until help arrived.
It took maybe 10 minutes of my day. But in those 10 minutes, I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
And yet, I know that in a different time in my life, I might not have stopped. I might have assumed someone else would help, or that it wasn’t my responsibility.
But the truth is—oftentimes, no one else is coming.
This hesitation we experience isn’t a personal flaw—it’s a well-documented psychological phenomenon called the bystander effect. When we’re in a group, we tend to assume someone else will step in. We think, Surely, someone else is better equipped for this. Or maybe help is already on the way.
Sometimes, we don’t take action because we don’t feel qualified. We don’t want to make things worse. We fear stepping in when we don’t know all the details.
But more often than not, the simplest actions—a word, a gesture, a presence—are the ones that matter most.
If you want to start showing up differently in the world, here’s what I’ve learned:
1. Make the Decision Before You’re in the Moment. I decided a long time ago that when I can help, I will. This means I don’t have to weigh the pros and cons in the heat of the moment—I just act.
2. Trust Your Instincts. That gut feeling telling you to check in on someone? To step in? To offer support? Listen to it.
3. Start Small. Not every moment requires a grand, heroic act. Holding the door for someone. Checking in on a friend. Speaking up when something feels off. These small moments train us to take action when it really counts.
4. Remember: No One Else Is Coming. It’s easy to assume someone else will take care of it. But often, they won’t. If you see something that needs to be done, be the one who steps up.
This idea doesn’t just apply to stepping in during emergencies. It applies to how we show up in our own lives.
Want to change careers? Start a business? Speak up for what you believe in?
“No one is coming to save you but you. So when you have that idea, when you have that little voice in your mind that wants you to take action, do it.”
You can listen to the full min-episode at the links below:
If you have that inner nudge to do something—whether it’s pursuing a dream, making a bold move, or simply helping someone in need—take the step. The world needs more people who are willing to say, I will help. I will take action. I will show up.
Let’s be those people.
Unapologetically yours,
xx Ashley
Connect with Ashley Logan:
Instagram @ashleydlogan
Website https://ashleydlogan.com/